So, you threw yourself at your boyfriend and he turned you down. Ouch. Now, not only is your ego bruised, but you’re also wondering if there’s something wrong with you, him, or your relationship. We’re here to assure you that there isn’t—even the most horndog dude is going to go through times when he just doesn’t want to have sex. We explain why it’s normal, and what you can do to get him thinking sexy again.
Why He Sometimes Isn’t Into It
First of all, it’s a myth that men think about sex every seven seconds. In fact, a new study found that it’s closer to 19 times a day—and while that still sounds like a lot, just because he’s thinking about it hardly means he wants it right then and there, points out Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and author of She Comes First. Plus, in this economy, it’s likely that he’s going to be less interested in sex in general. “Men derive their sexual self-esteem from their careers and financial security,” explains Kerner. If he’s struggling in either of those areas right now, getting busy may literally be one of the last things on his mind.
The Truth About Guys and Sex
Sexual rejection sucks for men or women, but experts say it stings even more for the ladies. That’s because men are brought up with this idea that they’ll have to go to bat and strike out multiple times before making a hit. Women, on the other hand, are wired to believe that men are always ready to reach home base and never turn down a booty opportunity. So when he negs you, it seems unnatural, and you may worry that something’s wrong with your relationship. But the occasional mismatch in desire is normal. “You can’t just flash him or grab his crotch and expect him to be instantly hard,” says Kerner. “Guys often need to gradually transition into sex with mental coaxing and foreplay too.”
A Simple Way to Pump His Desire
You’ve come onto him, he’s not feeling it, and now you’re tempted to pout or stick it to him with a zinger like, “What kind of man are you?” Unless you want to kill his ego, resist. Guilt trips and emasculation are not going to get you laid. Instead, Kerner suggests giving him a kiss and saying, “Okay, rain check,” then dropping the topic.
If you’re really in the mood and think his no had some leeway, give this a try: plant a sexy thought in his head, which could make his lust level do a 360. Kerner recommends saying something like, “Oh man, I just had this flashback of that night I was riding you in my five inch high heels and got so turned on.” It’s pretty tasty bait—but it’s also non-committal enough that if he’s still not up for it, you won’t feel totally burned...again.
(By JESSICA KNOLL - Cosmopolitan.com)
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